Of Manila Folders and Crumpled Paper
by Ameba
Summary: Mello and Near's frustration over their rivalry/ hidden love.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Death Note, this is a crack fanfic. Mello and Near…contemplation…Hmm…I don't know how I feel about them, but it's fun to write about them, LOL.

I hope you enjoy this, and please review.

I might add another chapter if I get positive feedback…but so far, this is all I've got. (Unless I get struck by a thunderbolt of epiphanies and ideas, that is)

* * *

Mello's POV

**My Darling Near,**

**I want to know your sweet thoughts**

**You are too beautiful**

**And so filled with exquisiteness**

**I am a victim of masked desire.**

**You make me want to…**

**Your love, Mello**

Aghhhh!!!

DAMN IT.

DAMN YOU!

Why? WHY? Why Near, do you have to torture me like so?

Mello bit off an end of his chocolate bar, contemplating its quality and taste. Silky…slightly. Sweet…a bit…Melting…sure….

Even chocolate couldn't assuage his desire, when his thoughts were otherwise.

I wonder what Near tastes like.

The sweetest.

The silkiest.

Something so fine that even chocolate couldn't compare.

Muttering curses, Mello crumpled the sheet of paper in his fist, relishing in the crackle sound, trying to squeeze all his frustration into the poor ball.

Mello threw it away, a perfect shot, joining one of the many crumpled pieces of paper stuck in the wastebasket.

Screw treehuggers, he thought, squeezing the ink pen until the pen bled blue all over his new, fresh blank sheet of paper.

Shit, not again.

He should have never chosen an ink pen.

Ugh.

Why wasn't it Halle? Or some hot girl that was well endowed? Why did it have to be him? His nemesis? Yet…

Forbidden desire was illicit. And torturous…and beautiful.

Sure.

Whatever.

That sounded like some crapped up horoscope/ fortune cookie things.

He tried to rephrase his sappy feelings as best as he could:

**You! Damn albino kid who hasn't reached puberty,**

**I want to you to know that I can blackmail you any second**

**You too full of shit, with that snotty attitude of yours**

**And I am a victim of your stupidity**

**You make me want to wring your neck**

**Because you drive me insane.**

**Mello**

**Your archrival.**

There.

Not bad.

After all, it was true.

(If you don't have the imagination, I, Ameba, the author, with her perverted mind, can explain it to you)

**You! Damn albino kid who hasn't reached puberty**, (Hell yes, that's the way to be, a hardcore SHOTA uke!)

**I want to you to know that I can blackmail you any second** (In exchange, you give your bodily services)

**You are too full of shit, with that snotty attitude of yours** (which turns me on even more)

**And I am a victim of your stupidity** (Can't you see Near? I thought you were smart! LOOK at me, and see how you torture me!)

**You make me want to wring your neck.** (In passion, that is)

**Because you drive me insane.** (Because! Just because! I can't even get near you without getting, er, ….)

**Mello**

**Your archrival.** (Not really true, cuz I'm your partner in L-O_O-V-E.)

* * *

Near's POV

**You! Damn albino kid who hasn't reached puberty,**

**I want to you to know that I can blackmail you any second**

**You too full of shit, with that snotty attitude of yours**

**And I am a victim of your stupidity**

**You make me want to wring your neck**

**Because you drive me insane.**

**Mello**

**Your archrival.**

Well, this was refreshing, Near thought sarcastically.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen Mello's absolute hatred toward him…and it hadn't waned a bit. They were on totally different sides, totally different parts of the world. Once again, on the same case, with the auspices of L.

Near sighed, and tucked the note in a manila folder, along with other hateful things Mello wrote back at Wammy's.

In a way, Near was a bit sad. A bit melancholic.

If Mello didn't hate him so much, maybe they could have been friends, or maybe even more…lovers…but that would just be Near's fantasy. And dreams/ fantasies never happen, so what was the point of thinking about it?

But if…

He could have even forgiven Mello when he tried to bomb Near's underpants.

Or the time when Mello tried to smash his collector's edition of Robotron EX-3948iN.

Or even the time when Mello left him in the rain on a school trip, and then it became sunny. Near had cowered in the shadows when the sun came out, and Mello just stood there, taunting him with a parasol.

Just to laugh at him.

Near could have forgiven him, but Mello never gave him the chance.

Near could have forgotten, but Mello was always a constant reminder.

Near sighed again, and put back the manila folder on the shelf.

He could and never would understand what was going on in Mello's mind.

Never.


	2. Of Eavesdropping and Engine Oil

Oho~

I am excited. Thank you very much for liking this…so I decided to take my perversion *lecherous smile* and put it into this….LOL.

I amaze myself sometimes. It's a) how I'm supposed to be working right now, but I'm neglecting it. Whatever. Screw homework. B) At my perverseness…yes, I know c) Ingenious ideas that hit me when I'm drinking Milk!

I know, milk, right?

I don't even like it.

Oh yea, Shota means more or less of kids in a sexual connotation. LMAO. Go wiki it!

Of Eavesdropping and Engine Oil Mello POV

Mello lounged on the sofa, running his hands through the velvet fibers that were interwoven with the cushions. They…were purple.

Purple, really.

Of all the colors, they picked purple?

This mauve was a hideous color, and didn't flatter his outfit at all. Ick.

For a few minutes, Mello was momentarily occupied by the disgusting tint of the couch to be bothered by his seemingly unending monotony.

The girls here were too easy. He despised them, and their willingness, evil intentions under fake facades of compliancy.

The guys…Mello didn't even bother. They were all too macho here, too brawny and tough. And he didn't want to be the one on the bottom either…

But most of all…it was Near.

No one could ever even get close to Near. If it wasn't him, Mello was never going to be satisfied.

He suddenly remembered what the purple reminded him of!

It was Near's purple umbrella that he always had when the kids at Wammy's went on school trips.

Well, school trips weren't exactly the words to describe the "educational" expeditions that L's potential successors went on to prove their worth.

Mello closed his eyes.

And reminisced.

Narrator: (In a grandiose voice) _Once upon a time… _

Mello: (Interrupts) WHAT THE HELL! It's the farthest thing from once upon a time!

Narrator: _Back when the trees were children and the Earth was young…the earth children – _

Mello: You shitty narrator, I'm NOT that old. You know what, I'm leaving. (Leaves)

It was a spring day when it happened.

When Mello realized how he felt for Near.

The kids were at a playground, examining a recent crime – the rape and disembowelment of a 9 year old child.

The clouds had parted to reveal a sun at its full glory, and Near immediately hid under the safe shade of purple umbrella. Mello had laughed at Near's cowardice, fully knowing that Near could not stand the sun.

Mello had walked over and forcefully snatched the umbrella from Near, smirking as he did it.

He loved seeing Near cowering in fear, and Mello had so much power…it was…thrilling.

He could control every aspect of Near…and his emotions. Power. Greed. Control. Over Near, that was.

No wonder Mello became such a big fan of bondage.

Mello turned over and sighed.

Thinking of Near made him depressed, made him realize just how many miles separated their true love…

Yeah, right.

So Mello did his next favorite thing, the second on his list only after thinking about Near: eavesdropping on him.

Eavesdropping commence!

Near: (static sound) Hold on! It's still not working properly…it needs to be flexible! Do you want me to get some more oil to lubricate it?

-Muffled sound-

Near: Hold on, stay here, my love. I'm going to get some, so stay in bed!

-Sound of footsteps-

Near: I got it! Bear with me, but I don't know if it'll hurt when I apply it…I've never exactly, you know, been one…ugh! Sorry…that was necessary. Does it feel good?

Near: I love you…

Mello dropped the wireless transmitter, clutching his nose.

No one could see him like this. He thought nosebleeds only occurred to rabid fangirls, but this was…

So Near was on top? So Mello had caught him in a, in a *&(*%^ situation?

Mello fainted.

Near's POV

"I love you, Robotron EXIII-673d. I hope you feel a lot better. That squeak was awfully nasty to listen to." Near finished tucking in his dear toy, turned the lights off, and walked off.


End file.
